I approached the New York Times article on Sunday February 5 about Facebook C.O.O. Sheryl Sandberg with my usual trepidation about how Mrs. Sandberg would discuss her family (assuming she had one) or her decisions on finding balance between the demands of family life and work and ambition.  And once again while I applaud her success at every level I am left not knowing a thing about her kids and how she balances “having it all!”

While it is clear Ms. Sandberg has a fabulous back-up system of care for her 2 young children and sounds amazing, but alas millions of women do not–

Having done this my entire career–a couple of comments:

1. MONEY MONEY MONEY! She always has been able to have the coverage and backup and more power to here but in the real world most women struggle especially if they become single moms.

2. As I have told my daughters and their peers-You can have it all — just not at the same time!  But the trade-off is so worth it–I wanted to be the one to see my kid’s first steps, even the often boring, repetitive story-telling and mundane parts of daily life –even when they were sick –I wanted to be the one there–Whether I could have afforded full-time care–I wouldn’t have missed any of it–OK OK–the time my daughter Debby threw up down my back in the old station wagon–I could have lived without that!

3. I counsel women to just be a bit patient–the first 5 years flash by and you have lots of time to make your mark–

Call me old-fashioned but that’s why I help my girls with their kids–if they can’t be there, then I am–Sure my daughter, Shari could be an Executive Director right now instead of the Deputy Director but she also gets to be at my granddaughter Molly’s silly little Valentine’s Party next Tuesday–and Debby took 1 & 1/2 years off but after years of infertility and surgeries, so having the fabulous Ms. Hannah makes every day home a wonderful luxury and now she has begun a part-time therapy practice and does not have the stresses of working for the DC Public School system–

So kudos to Sheryl and when this country of ours decides to really support kids and families–we can have many many more like her!

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